Good Question: Is it OK to leave your church?

We lost our first core team member Naren during our first year when he sensed God leading him to get married and to attend church where he and his new wife were living (east valley) – the nerve!  Actually, that turned into an exciting thing for me since I got to perform their wedding and to send them off with a prayer of blessing.  They continue to pray for us and cheer for us and even sent us a check for our Strategic Development Fund a few weeks ago. 

I had learned during my church planting training that a brand new church like MVCC will typically see their original group who started the church, move on to another ministry within 6 – 24 months after the church starts, so I wasn’t shocked when it happened to us.  Fortunately for our church, six of the original 11 are still faithfully plugging away and of course God has raised up new leaders from within our family who are doing an outstanding job of serving the body! 

If you’ve been around a while, you were able to see that the few from our original core team who’ve moved on to other spiritual families did so based on seeking God’s will.  That is an important lesson for you to watch and learn from since no one stays in the same church their whole life.  We’re Americans – we’re transient, we’re relatively rich and mobile, many of us enjoy new adventures and some of us are entreprenureal by nature.  Other people simply see that their needs have unexpectedly changed and so they re-evaluate everything. 

Although no one likes to be the one left behind, those who feel called to live here and serve God by serving the Buckeye area need to remember that saying goodbye to friends should be grieved briefly and then celebrated.  God has new ministry challenges in store for them and that’s exciting.  That’s why we pray for and cheer for them as they do for us.  I pray for my friends who are no longer with us that they will become fully committed servers, givers, worshipers at another Bible teaching/Gospel preaching church.  When I find this has happened I relax and praise God.  At that point my attention is a little more freed up to focus on the people in Buckeye who still need Christ or who aren’t connected to an Oikos. 

Having seen hundreds of people leave from the churches I’ve served over the past 20+ years, I want to share some advice for the time that you will wonder if God may be leading you to move on from your church family. 

     1.  There is nothing better to experience and more important to understand than knowing that you are exactly where God wants you! 

Tammy and I have moved away from two other churches in order to eventually end up at MVCC because God was leading in our lives.  We continue to feel God’s leading to stay put and serve our church family and the Buckeye community right now and there is no place we’d rather be.  This is because we’re absolutely convinced of God’s calling and leading.  Going when you should have stayed or staying when you should have gone will both end up hurting you and your family because God’s plan is always best. 

     2.  The grass is never greener on the other side of the fence.

The Devil tries to tell me this all the time but I don’t fall for it.  Some people will leave their church because they’re upset and don’t want to work it out, or they are just a discontent person always seeing the “grass is greener” somewhere else.  Often, these people try to make the issue about the church, but it’s a “them” issue that won’t get solved until they grow up spiritually (or until they become a believer.)  These people never end up really plugging into another church – they keep “hopping” from church to church.  A lot of these people eventually stop going to church altogether, while, others kind of hover in limbo, participating in ministries of multiple churches.

     3.  It takes years to develop true fellowship and deep spiritual friendships.

We too quickly forget that trusting others and being trusted is a hugely important part of our spiritual growth.  It takes time before you can really share about your personal struggles and be able to trust friends or a small group with information that makes you vulnerable.  However, real ministry only happens in the arena of vulnerability and we can only help people whom we really know and trust.  It also takes time before a Pastor or Ministry Director will trust you to fully exercise your spiritual gifts and passions to their capacity in the church because he/she has to trust that you are going to build up the body and not hurt it.  In other words, that your theology is in line, that your priorities are in order, and that there are no personal agendas or hidden sinful habits hidden away.  If God is growing you and if you have true spiritual support and a place of ministry service, it doesn’t get much better than that!  

     4.  Finish Strong

At our past two churches Tammy and I worked hard to finish strong in each case after we sensed God’s leading to another ministry.  Both times we were able to hand off our responsibilities to other capable leaders and at both churches we are still welcomed back with open arms and love when we visit because of how we finished.  Here are some practical suggestions for how to do this:

1. Give your ministry supervisor as much advance notice as possible so they can try to find others to fill the responsibilities you leave behind.
2. Let your ministry supervisor have a chance to thank you for your service before you leave so that the church can grieve and celebrate in a healthy way.
3. Be sure to pray with and for those you are leaving behind as they pray for you to have an even greater impact for the Kingdom of God!
4. Don’t hold onto any regrets or guilt if God is moving you – this is His church and God is certainly capable to ensure its success when you are gone.
5. Remember that how you leave will reflect on your character and will also be how you are ultimately remembered by those you leave behind. 

Many of the people who attend MVCC weren’t faithfully attending a Bible teaching church prior to joining with us.  However, some of us left another church before we joined here.  I trust that if this is you, that you left because God was leading you and if not that you will go back and reconcile with the friends and ministry supervisors at your past church.  When you have done this then you will be better able to be committed to MVCC.  We expect our members to show their commitment with their presence, their worship, their dollars, their fellowship, and their service.  So, if you are part of the group called to be MVCC we expect you to fully engage your heart and your energy and your tithe here and to help us reach out with the Gospel.